


Madney Ever After

by Jessie2126, TrueRomantic



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24167470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessie2126/pseuds/Jessie2126, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueRomantic/pseuds/TrueRomantic
Summary: A very special thank you goes out to the lovely Trueromantic, for being both my beta reader and editor. You are amazing, and I could not have put this together without all your help.The untold story of Maddie and Chimney, Madney. This will begin from s2 e6 and progress from there. Basically all the in between scenes of them that we were never given in the show. Will have a very deep emphasis on her trauma and past, as well as how he helps her come to terms with it. Lots of fluff. Dialogue from the show will be quoted directly. This should be pretty long, but not sure how many chapters. This is my first ever fic, so please be kind. Happy reading, an I hope you enjoy.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Maddie

Maddie sat bolt upright in bed. Heart pounding, she frantically swept her gaze around the room, trying to see what had startled her awake. Nothing appeared to be moving and the room was now completely still. She took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm down. Even after two weeks of living in this new apartment, she still didn’t feel 100% safe. She kept feeling like she had to constantly look over her shoulder, and as if she continuously needed to be on guard. She still hadn’t told anyone about the call from Doug, and even though she knew he had no idea where she was, she still had doubts. Finally, slightly calmer, she gave a small smile. Today, hopefully, she’d finally be able to get some sleep. Just then, she jumped slightly as she heard a sound. Recovering, she frowned as she realized that it was just her phone, lighting up with a text. Her face fell as she realized that that was probably what had startled her awake. However, it lit up again when she saw a picture of Buck’s smiling face on the screen, above a message that read, “Rise and Shine Big Day Today!!!!! We should all be there by noon. I’ll bring the beer and order in a few pizzas later in the afternoon. The ladder is right by the TV, and Eddie and I will be picking up the couch on the way over. See you later. Love you." Her smile immediately grew wider as she typed out a response. “Great, thank you so much again, are you sure they don’t mind? I could have just hired movers.” 

While she waited for a response, she got out of bed and began to get ready for the day. It was around 10 A.M. so she had quite a bit of time to kill. She had just finished taking a yogurt out of the fridge when her phone pinged with Buck’s response. “What? And let some random people touch my sister’s stuff? Never in a million years, besides, it’s part of the firefighter’s code that we help one another. Eddie and Chim don’t mind at all. I’ll see you in a bit.” Her smile widened even more as she responded. “Okay, if you insist, but I owe all of you a home-cooked meal or something.” As she waited, she finished eating and headed back upstairs. She looked around her room. There were cardboard boxes stacked everywhere. She decided to wear a light blouse and shorts, since the weather was warm that day. As she finished getting ready, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. It was still strange for her to see her own reflection. For so long, she had been forced to wear long sleeves to hide the bruises, or to apply layers of makeup to conceal the finger marks. She still wasn’t used to seeing a completely unblemished version of herself. Her phone chimed right at that moment with Buck’s final message. “Ahh, no need, we’ve got Bobby for that, seriously, its no trouble at all. About to pick up Eddie, see you in a bit.” She blinked back tears. What would she do without him? While he did get on her nerves, his support meant more to her than she could ever express. Initially, hiring movers just seemed like the easiest idea, but the minute Buck heard that plan, he put his foot down, and if there was one thing the Buckley’s had in common, it was stubbornness. She tried to argue with him, but it was futile. She reacted with a red heart to his message, and headed back downstairs.

She watched mindless TV until she jumped at a sound. Rushing to the window, she smiled when she realized that it was the sound of her brother’s jeep parking. He really needed to go get it checked. She watched as Buck and another man hopped out. He was tall, and quite well built. So, this was Eddie. Buck hadn’t said much about him, but from what she could gather, their relationship hadn’t gotten off to the best start. Buck always did have a problem with change, and having someone like that just show up was probably really difficult for him. She headed to the front door and pressed the buzzer to let them up. About a minute later, they appeared. Buck gave her a brief hug, and Eddie shook her hand. “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” he said with a smile.

“Likewise, Buck’s told me a lot about you.”

He gave an embarrassed smile. “Oh? All good things, I hope?”

She smiled back. "Yep”.

“Alrighty,” said Buck, “I think we’ll start bringing up the small items, microwave, toaster, etc., and then move on to the couch. And before you ask, yes, the plastic is fully intact.”

She lightly punched him, “you know me so well.”H e nodded in agreement. “Well, looks like you’ve got it all under control.”

He smirked, “You just doubt me so much sometimes, don’t you? Don’t answer that. Also, I just heard from Chim, he’s just grabbing the camera stuff and should be here in half an hour or so.”

She looked at them both. “I can’t tell you how much this all means to me.”

They both smiled at her. “Its not a problem at all,” said Eddie.

“I told her that about a million times already, said Buck. “But she never listens.”

She punched him again. “Whatever, I’ll leave you to it.”

She watched Buck and Eddie pull stuff from the back of the jeep for a few minutes. She had to admit to herself that the two of them made a pretty good team. Her gaze drifted off when she saw a small dark car park behind Buck’s jeep. A man climbed out of the driver’s seat, headed around to the trunk, and pulled out a large box. He walked over to Buck and Eddie and said a few words to them. She was slightly surprised to realize that this was Chimney. Based on Buck’s description, she was expecting someone more arrogant, with more swagger, and if she was being honest, quite a bit taller. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. He wasn’t that much taller than her, and had dark hair and eyes. He was dressed in very comfortable, casual clothing. He didn’t strike her as someone who was particularly obnoxious.

She jumped when she heard the buzzer go off. She didn’t realize she had been staring for that long. She pressed the button to let him up, and a minute later, there he was. “Hi,” he said, extending a hand with a warm smile. “You must be Maddie.”

She did a double take. Wow, what a smile he had. It could light up a room. “Yep, that’s me,” she said, opening the door wider, “please, come in.” He stepped inside and set down the box. “I’m sorry this place is such a mess, I haven’t been able to get much unpacking done, there’s not much furniture, and…”

He held up a hand, smile growing wider. “Hey, don’t even worry about it. I’ve never heard of a move happening immediately, that’s what we’re here for.”

She smiled back, but then paused. “Thank you so much, I really hope this isn’t all too much trouble.”

“Not at all, I’m happy to help. I just spoke to Eddie and Buck outside, and they were arguing about whether to take out the end tables before the appliances.” He laughed, “believe me, I’d much rather do this than listen to them go back and forth for ten minutes. I’ll probably be done before they’ve got the couch through the door.”

She laughed, “Oh, I’m holding you to that. Is there anything I can do to help? The ladder is right there and I can move some stuff, or…"

He shook his head. “Nope, just leave it to me.”

She shrugged, “well, if you’re sure, I think I’ll just go up and attempt to unpack all my stuff.”

He grinned, “Perfect, I’ve got this all under control.” She nodded, turned around and headed upstairs.

Once she was in her room, she looked in the mirror and was shocked to see her face. She couldn’t remember smiling so hard. She shook her head to clear it and began to unpack. One hour and four boxes later, her room looked much better. She headed back downstairs to find Chim standing on a ladder, looking up at several cameras mounted on the ceiling. He looked back at her and shot her a smile. “Okay, you’ve officially reached Fort Knox level security.”

She frowned. “Ahh, do you think its to much?”

He gave her a slight smile. “Three motion sensors in the living room? I mean, maybe, if you're trying to keep Tom Cruise from getting his hands on your NOC list.” She paused then shrugged at him. “Mission impossible? No?"

“Sorry, haven’t seen it.”

He looked at her, mouth turned up slightly. “Travesty. Anyway, here’s how you use the app to check it.” He paused, “Oh, and I told you, look, they’re still attempting to figure out how to get that couch inside."

She laughed, “I’m going to go check on their progress, be right back.” She headed outside, and saw Eddie and Buck staring at the couch with puzzled looks on their faces.

“Maybe we pop the hinges off the door?”

"Or we use the jaws of life?”

She rang her hands. “No, it has to fit, I measured it twice. Can’t you guys just turn it around the other way?”

Buck shook his head. “But then the pizza will slide off.”

She glared at him. “You have pizza on my new sofa?”

"It’s on the plastic.”

She grabbed the pizza boxes and headed back in. She found Chim down from the ladder, holding a tablet. “Well, you weren’t kidding, this is why they were having so much trouble moving it.”

He glanced at the boxes. “Ah, they probably thought it’d just be faster to move everything in at once. At least they kept it on the plastic.”

She smiled at him. “Sorry, you were showing me the security app?”

“Yep,” he said, holding out the tablet to her. “You can check everything on here, and you can also check it on your phone when you’re not at home.”

She felt her body relaxed after hearing that. “Well, that’s great, now if I hear a noise in the middle of the night, I don’t have to get out of bed to know it’s the ice maker.”

He looked at her, “I’m glad it helps.” She was just about to respond when she heard a commotion at the door, Buck an Eddie had finally managed to get the couch in. “Took you long enough,” said Chim, smirking at them both.

“Whatever," said Buck, as he headed downstairs to lock his jeep.

She turned to Eddie and Chim. “Thank you both so much for agreeing to help me on your day off.”

Eddie shrugged, “not a problem” He glanced at the pizza boxes. "Plates?”

"Countertop, kitchen.”

He headed off. Chim looked at her. “Beer?”

She smiled, “Also kitchen, fridge.”

"Clever,” he murmured as he headed off after Eddie.

She was just about to follow them when Buck came back inside. She turned to him. Their relationship was at its best when they were both open with one another, so she knew she had to get this off her chest. “Wow, he is so cute.”

Buck shrugged. “Yeah, he gets that a lot. You should meet his kid though.”

She did a double take. This was certainly news to her. “Wait, Chimney has a kid?" Buck’s mouth dropped open, but before he could stammer out a response, she headed into the kitchen.

They all had a great dinner together. The guys entertained her with stories of rescues they had done as a crew. She learned that Eddie had been in the army, and had a young son. Chim was actually a firefighter paramedic, which Maddie found very impressive, even if she didn’t say it out loud. Doug was a heart surgeon, and she herself had been a nurse, so the medical field had always fascinated her. After dinner, they all headed out, with Buck and Eddie leaving first. After they had left, Chim turned to her. Before he could speak, she opened her mouth. “Listen, thank you so much, things have been...hard, and this system, well, it makes me feel safe.”

He gazed at her for a moment before speaking. “Its my pleasure, and if it ever acts up, just let Buck know and I’ll come right over after shift to fix it.”

She nodded, “Thank you, I really appreciate that.”

"Of course. I’m sure you're exhausted, so I’ll just be on my way, but I hope you have a good night.”

She smiled, “I’m sure I’ll sleep much better now.”

He reached his hand out, almost as if to pat her shoulder, but then quickly drew it back. “Sorry, I’ll just head out.” He headed to the front door, and let it close behind him. She headed upstairs, phone in hand, changed, and got into bed. Her last thought before heading to sleep was of Chim’s smile, and how happy it had made her feel.


	2. Chim

Looking back, Chim thought that his first meeting with Maddie had gone well, all things considered. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but she definitely wasn’t it. When he thought of what Buck’s sister would be like, he imagined a slightly older version of Buck, loud, funny, and the life of the party. Maddie was certainly funny, cracking jokes with both him and Eddie, and she seemed very sweet, but there was something else there. A sadness about her, a sense of fear and vulnerability. Buck had discussed her past, but very briefly, and he could only assume that her demeaner could be attributed to Doug.

He got busy with work, and Maddie didn’t come up again with the crew until a break between calls. They had just gotten back from the body-builder competition, and were all pretty exhausted. They were lounging around by the kitchen when Hen turned to Buck.

“I can’t believe you”, she said, giving him an annoyed look.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. She just stared at him.

"Oh, don’t give me that. You’ve been looking at Taylor like you are starving and she is lunch all day.”

He looked away, and then smirked. “Well, what can I say? Us Buckley’s have always had a thing for news reporters. Before Dug, Maddie dated a guy whose life long dream was to be on CNN.”

They all smiled, but then Chim said, “How’s she doing?”

Buck shook his head, “Good, I guess.”

Hen, who had just been smiling along with them, turned back to him with a reproachful look. “You guess? You have spoken to her, haven’t you?"

He shrugged, “I’ve tried, but she hasn’t said much.”

“And you don’t think that’s a red flag?" she asked.” "Buck, you’re a great person, and a phenomenal firefighter, but you’ve got a lot to learn about women. She might not be able to open up until you bring it up.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Buck said then headed off.

Hen turned to him, “Do you think he’ll ever learn?”

He shook his head, “doubtful.” As Hen and Eddie headed off to restock the ambulance, he gazed off in thought. Hen was definitely a little harsh at times, but he had to admit that she did have a point in this instance. Buck was a great friend, always in the mood for a beer or a bite to eat, but Chim didn’t think he could ever just bare his soul to him without at least a little judgement. Buck wasn’t the best listener, more of a fixer, wanting to immediately rectify the problem at hand. He didn’t blame Maddie for not confiding in him. He admittedly didn’t know her very well, but he figured she would rather have someone listen than fix right away.

All thoughts of Maddie completely went out of his mind as the day wore on. Between the bug eating competition and the LSD brownies, they barely had a moment to relax. He had originally planned on raiding the snack table for a meal, but thought better of it after the brownie debacle. At the end of his shift, he said goodbye to the others and headed out to his car. He decided to make a quick Target run before heading home, to stock up on groceries and other essentials. As he maneuvered down the aisles, he flashed back to his convo with Hen. On impulse, he headed to the DVD section, and there it was, Mission Impossible, blue ray version. He grabbed it, checked out, and drove home. As he parked, he paused. Was he over stepping? Then he shook it off. He was just dropping off a gift, nothing more, that’s all it was. He packed up the groceries, wrapped up the movie, and then got back into his car. He parked a little way down the street and slipped in behind a fellow tenant. He headed up to her apartment and knocked, waving to the camera as he did. A few minutes later, the door swung open and there she was.

He smiled, but his face fell as he took her in. She looked exhausted, dark circles surrounded her eyes, and she seemed as if she was trying to keep herself awake. Her face lit up when she saw him. “Hi, come on in, she said warmly, motioning him inside.”

He smiled, holding out the gift. “So, I was just out, and I saw this, and I thought of you.” He internally cringed, how desperate could he possibly sound?

She grinned. “What? No, I-”

He held up a hand. “Its just a house warming gift.”

She shook it, and he had an immediate thought of little kid Maddie, frantically shaking the wrapped boxes on Christmas morning. She looked at him. “Ah, not a book.”

“DVD, mission Impossible.” She laughed. “You do have a DVD player, right?”

She nodded, mouth turning upward. “Yeah, and a popcorn maker. Would you like to hang out and watch a movie?”

His grin widened. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d love too.”

He stepped inside and hung up his jacket. He couldn’t help noticing the way the apartment had changed since he had been in it last. There were no longer cardboard boxes, and everything had a proper place. However, he did feel like something was missing. He didn’t realize it until he followed her through the living room. There were no personal effects. I pictures, prints, or knickknacks. It almost looked as if she was just a visitor staying for a weekend. He mentally filed that into the things to mention to Buck category as he headed into the kitchen after her. “How can I help?”

She turned around and jumped when she saw him. “Oh, don’t worry about that, I got this, you just go and relax.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.”

She nodded averting her gaze. “Yep, I got this, its completely fine.” While her words said one thing, her body language said another. Her apartment was open planned, so he was able to watch from the couch as she got everything ready. The signs were all there. She was gripping the counter, knuckles white. He watched as she measured out the kernels three times, making sure they were exactly at the line. He clenched his fists in rage as he observed her, his mind racing. OCD? PTSD? Maybe anxiety? It was obvious to him now. Whatever her husband had done, it clearly had many long-lasting scars. He was shocked that Buck hadn’t picked up on any of this. In an effort to try and get her to relax, he began to attempt to make some small talk.

“So, has Buck ever talked to you about some of the crazy calls we’ve gotten?”

"Yeah, he has. You all sure do end up in some interesting situations. What’s the most memorable one you’ve ever had?”

He took a minute to think. In terms of impact, the escalator one was definitely it. That had made him revaluate his reaction to the car reck. But his main goal was to make Maddie smile, so he decided to pick out a different one. “Okay, before I get into this, I need to ask you a very serious question.” She gave him a quizzical look but nodded all the same. “What are your thoughts on sushi?” That broke the ice. She set down the popcorn maker, and turned to face him. She giggled, and he could visibly see the tension lessen in her stance.

“You're kidding, right?”

"Nope. Not at all. I’m dead serious. This story can make or break how you view that decadence for years to come.”

She smirked, “well in that case, it’s okay, but not something I’ll buy very often.”

“Good enough for me. Disclaimer though, this one doesn’t directly involve me, but it does involve members of the 118, so I’m still counting it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Okay, but you owe me your most memorable moment the next time we do this.”

"You got it,” he said, ignoring her allusion that they could potentially hangout again. “So, you know how Buck went to South America one summer?”

“Yep, he clamed it was to get better at Spanish, but I think that was just a ploy to try and pick up girls.”

“Yep, that sounds exactly like Buck. Anyway, flirting tactics aren’t the only skills he picked up that year. So Buck and Bobby are on the ambulance when they get this call. It’s a couple, and one of them is complaining of like the worst stomach pain ever.”

She eyed him skeptically. “Okay, not exactly seeing where this is going.”

"Ah, just wait. So they start taking down a history, when they discover that he eats sushi four times a week.” Maddie’s face scrunched up. “I know, I could never do that, that is just strange,” he agreed. “So they get him in the ambulance, and he’s complaining that he feels something, so they role him over, and what do you think they found?”

She shrugged. “Truth be told,” she said, smiling wider, “I have no idea.”

He paused for dramatic effect, moving into the kitchen to stand closer to her. “A worm, coming out of his underpants.”

Maddie’s mouth dropped open. “Wow, I was not expecting that."

"So, what do you think Buck did.”

"My best guess, something a little reckless?”

“Exactly, Bobby has a bit of a worm phobia, and at this point the guy just wants the damn thing out, so Buck just grabs the end of that sucker and starts to tug.”

Her face contorted in disgust. “Ewwwwwwww.”

“I know, and it was 7 feet long.”

She giggled, she really did have such a nice laugh, one of those contagious ones. “That was amazing.”

“I know, definitely one of the weirder ones we’ve gotten.”

“That’s great.”

"Thanks, thought you might enjoy that.”

"I’m so glad I don’t like sushi.”

"Well, if you were a huge fan, I would’ve definitely told you something else, out of respect.”

She gave him a deep look. “Wow, that’s really thoughtful of you.” He swallowed, not quite sure what to make of that. By that point the popcorn had been made. She poured it into 2 separate bowls, added butter and cheese and handed him one.

They sat down in the living room and started the movie. By nature, Chim wasn’t a talker during movies, preferring to take everything in and discuss after. So he didn’t really notice how quiet Maddie was until 10 minutes had passed. He glanced over at her from his spot on the armchair across from the couch, only to find her curled up in a fetal position, head on the arm, fast asleep. He quickly grabbed the remote and turned off the movie. He paused, unsure of what to do. He didn’t want to just leave her, but he didn’t want to seem creepy by staying either. He briefly noticed that she was shaking, teeth chattering silently. He tiptoed over to the couch and grabbed a red throw blanket from the opposite arm. Slowly and carefully, so not to wake her, he gently covered her up under it. He then returned to the armchair, and watched her. Even though she was asleep, she still looked very tense. Her fists were clenched, and her expression seemed tight, almost fearful. He scrolled on his phone for a bit until he heard some rustling, and looked back over at her.

She sat up, blinking. “Oh, hi, I’m so sorry, can’t believe I fell asleep.

“Its completely my fault, next time I’ll be sure to choose something with more action, maybe a light romcom.” Her lips quirked up in a thin smile. He looked at her with a worried expression. “Maddie, in all seriousness now. I’ve only been hear about an hour, and I’ve seen a lot. I mean this in the nicest and least creepy way possible, but are you alright?”

He gazed at her, a concerned look on his face. The minute she looked back at his expression, that was all it took. Her face crumpled and her shoulders slumped as she broke down into sobs. He stood up and lightly padded over to the couch. He gently sat down next to her. Hesitating for just a second, he slowly wrapped an arm around her back, which was shaking with each sob. He wondered for a brief second if he had over stepped his boundaries. He knew that she had been abused and didn’t want to upset her even more with physical contact. However, all his fears were alleviated when she buried her head into his chest, gripping onto his shirt for dear life as she wept. He didn’t move, or speak, just sat with her in silence. He knew that whatever she was feeling, she needed to let it out. She had obviously been holding all of this in for a while. He didn’t want to do anything she was uncomfortable with, so he just sat with her, holding her for as long as she needed to be held.


	3. Maddie

Maddie had always considered herself to be a rather closed-off person. Growing up, she had to be, to help Buck when their parents weren’t around. As a nurse, it was her job to keep patients calm while they were in medical distress. As a wife, she was forced to keep quiet, even if she didn’t agree with her husband. If she dared to challenge him, she would endure his harsh words, or worse. She never really had the opportunity to just feel, until now. Thinking back, she realized a lot of things had led to her sobbing in her brother’s coworker’s arms. First, the apartment was amazing, spacious and empty. She knew she had as much security as she needed, but she couldn’t help constantly checking the app. The call that day had also triggered her. She knew who that woman was because she had been her, and, to a point, was still her: scared, anxious, and tense. If she had to pick the top reason for her break down, it was, well, Chim.

In the past, if she ever cried in front of Doug, he would walk away and leave her to her own devices. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been held. That was why she was slightly surprised to see Chim slowly making his way towards her and sitting lightly next to her on the couch. However, when he wrapped an arm around her, she was in complete shock. Initially, she stiffened, but as she took a quick glance at his face, all her resolve crumbled, and she buried her head in his chest, clutching his shirt for dear life. His expression wasn’t tense and cold like Doug’s. It wasn’t strained and uncomfortable, like Buck’s. It was open, earnest, and concerned. There was also his tone. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been spoken to with such kindness by a complete stranger. As someone who worked in the medical field, more often than not, patients and callers would be rude and abrupt. She completely understood this, but that’s why it was so hard to keep her composure when he spoke to her. He sounded concerned, worried and a little protective. Finally, there were his actions. Most men would have immediately backed away at such strong displays of emotion. He didn’t, instead wrapping her in a tight hug. She half expected him to pull away in a minute or so, but he didn’t. He just sat with her, arm comfortingly nestled around her back, as she sobbed. She felt as if she could cry forever, and he would never move.

Doug was never good at being patient. If she was ever really upset, he would hold her in his arms for a minute but would then immediately let go. As their marriage progressed, and he became more abusive, he would use touch as a means of control. For her, each hug was terror, not knowing if it would immediately be followed by forced sex or a beating. She eventually learned to become numb. She would escape to happier times in her mind, times with her parents, and with Buck. After it was over, she would clean up, ice and bandage her wounds, and use long-sleeves and makeup to hide the evidence. She became a master at keeping quiet and holding everything in.

Chim was different. She recognized that the minute she met him on move-in day. He was funny, always able to get a laugh out of anyone. Intelligent, as evidenced by their conversation at dinner with Buck and Eddie. But, most importantly to her, aware. She knew he noticed her anxiety while making the popcorn. Perfection was a huge struggle of hers. How many times had she been forced to cook by Doug, only to be smacked across the face if the chicken was underdone or the eggs were runny. How many times had he called her names, since she was late because of traffic or because of a work emergency? Too many to count. So, she had learned to double and triple check everything. If she was being honest, she hadn’t expected anyone to take notice. Buck was amazing, but not the most observant, and she didn’t know her coworkers well enough to guess how they’d handle something like this. But he had noticed. Talking to her, offering to help, even distracting her with jokes. All these thoughts raced through her head as she sat with him. She didn’t remember the last time she had cried this much, possibly after her first beating. But, in this instance it felt so good to release all her emotions and let them all go, while knowing that he wasn’t planning on pulling away.

However, as her sobs turned to hiccups and her shoulders began to shake a little less, her mind began to race. What had she been thinking? She barely knew this guy. What if he told Buck who would tell Sue, and then she might get fired? This guy was a complete stranger, how could she have been so stupid? As her mind spun, she felt her heart begin to pound and her breath begin to get shallow and come in short gasps. She knew what was going on. As a nurse and a dispatcher, she had been trained to spot the signs and symptoms of a panic attack. However, in the current moment, all those thoughts left her head. Thankfully, she wasn’t alone. She felt Chim’s other hand lightly lifting her chin so she was now looking at him.

“Maddie, don’t worry, you’re okay, just focus on my voice. We’re going to take some nice, slow, deep breaths together. Think you can do that?” She gave a slight nod. “Good, so let’s try and calm down together. Breathe out, 2, 3, 4, hold for a second, and breathe in, 2, 3, 4.” As he kept counting, she slowly felt her body starting to relax, and her breathing started to slow down and normalize. Her mind began to drift. Wow, he must have been really good at his job. He hadn’t even flinched when she had started to panic and had immediately stepped in to help. He was calm in a way that Doug and Buck had never really been able to be. She didn’t realize how much calmer she had become until he said, “See, that’s it, you’re doing great, just keep breathing, nice and slow and deep.”

She briefly wondered how he was able to pick up on that so quickly. Then she realized that his arm was still wrapped around her, hand lightly resting against her rib cage. His voice was also really nice, calm and even. He sounded completely okay with this, not frazzled at all. After a few more minutes, her breathing had finally stabilized. Utterly spent, she picked her head up off his chest and slump against the opposite arm of the couch. She put her head down, struggling to look at him. Then he spoke, and it was just one single word. “Maddie?”

She slowly lifted her head to meet his gaze. Then her mouth dropped open. “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry, your shirt.” It was soaked, and very crumpled looking. He gave a small shrug.

“Don’t worry, it’s completely fine.”

She gave a small nod, too exhausted to argue. “Right, well, I’ll just walk you out then.”

He shook his head. “Maddie, I can’t let you do that. Listen, I know I don’t know you very well, and I'm not going to make you talk to me or open up at all. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the job and personal life, it's that a reaction like that only happens if you’re holding a lot in. Now, I don’t expect you to talk to me, or even look at me, we can even just sit here in silence if you’d like. Or, if you want to talk, you can. I promise, I’ll listen, I won’t interrupt or judge. I just want you to know that you’re not alone with all this. But, if you really do want me to leave, just say the word and I'll head out. I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I just want to make sure you feel comfortable, and do whatever I can to help you.”

He gave her a small smile and sat quietly, awaiting her response. She looked off, thinking. On the one-hand, she could tell him to leave, and he’d probably do it with no hesitation. But, if he did stay, what would they talk about? Was he really cool sitting in silence? Eventually, her desire for company won out and she turned back to him. “Okay, you can stay, but please let me get you another shirt? Buck has a ton of his clothes here, just upstairs in the bathroom hamper.” She gave a slight sigh, just the thought of climbing the stairs made her want to fall asleep.

Her exhaustion must have been evident in her face, because he took one look at her and said. “I can go up and get it, as long as you don’t mind me going into your bathroom?”

She gave a slight nod. “Of course, as long as you don’t mind staying?”

He shook his head emphatically. “Not in the slightest.”

He hopped up, and padded lightly upstairs. As soon as he was out of sight, she stood up and frantically began fixing the couch, straightening the pillows and neatly folding the blanket. It had been ingrained in her to be as organized as possible since childhood. Her mother was a complete perfectionist, ensuring that everything was always spotless, and nothing was ever out of place. This only intensified after she got married. Doug would double and triple check her work, and often ridicule her when it wasn’t up to par. As a result, she had learned to do most things twice, just to ensure that perfection had been met. She turned around after she was finished and spotted Chim sitting opposite her in the armchair. She felt herself blush, wondering how much of that he had seen. She sat down and eyed him. Buck’s shirt was quite large on him, since the two of them had quite a big height difference. She paused when she got to the 118 across his chest. She tried not to think about the fact that she had been sobbing into that same chest less than ten minutes ago, and instead asked, “Do you like working with the one eighteen?”

He paused for a second before answering. “I really like it. It's nice to be able to go into a situation knowing that you're never alone and that people have your back.”

She gazed off thoughtfully before responding. “You guys all seem like such a family, hanging out, helping each other, I wish we had that at dispatch.” She looked down, unsure of whether to keep going. Neither Doug nor Buck handled silence well. With Doug, he would typically say something cold and calculated, indicating to her that he neither cared nor was interested in letting her get her thoughts out. Buck was a little different. He would usually try and get her mind off things by drawing her attention elsewhere, or with a self-deprecating joke. While it worked in the moment, she never felt as if she was able to ever really speak freely. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chim give her a slight nod. That nod encouraged her to keep going. “I mean, they all seem nice, but so much of what we do is individual, working on our own with people who are experiencing some of the most difficult moments of their lives. There is really no easy way to bond over that, you know what I mean?” Another slight nod. “It's especially difficult when you get a call that hits close to home. I had one of those today.” She motioned for him to come and sit by her on the couch. He slowly walked over to her and sat down beside her, leaving quite a bit of distance between them. She watched him, waiting for any hint of annoyance, anger, or impatience in his expression. There was none, just a kind, open, and caring gaze. She continued, “It was this woman, and she didn’t say anything, but I could just tell. The heavy breathing, the silent sobs, she was either hiding from someone or scared out of her mind. And it,” She faltered, her voice breaking slightly and her face starting to crumple once more. Chim slid closer and lightly lifted her chin to meet his gaze. She took a slow deep breath. “It just took me back to myself, alone in my bathroom on the line with an operator, unable to say a single word, scared out of my mind. And then, she...she just hung up. And all day I just keep thinking, what if that had been me? What if I hadn’t left? Where would I be now?”

Chim stayed quiet for a second before saying in the kindest voice she had ever heard, “I’m so sorry Maddie. I don’t have a quick fix solution, and I can’t ensure that things will get better. But what I can tell you is that you are not that woman anymore. You managed to find a way out, come to a whole new place, and rebuild yourself. In my book, that is no doubt something to be proud of.”

She gave a slight nod, not really believing that statement. Pride in herself wasn’t something she was able to do very often. Doug had never really said those words to her, and neither had her parents. For Maddie, she had just become used to not believing that anything she ever did was good enough. “Thank you,” she said looking up at him.

“Of course,” he said, “anytime.” He then paused for a second before saying, “So, how are things here? Buck hasn’t told me much.”

As she reflected on his question, she couldn’t help pondering on how he’d asked it. There was no extraneous side comment of what he thought of the place, or about how he thought she should talk to Buck. The question was just that, a nice open-ended question with no pressure about what her answer should be. There was something oddly comforting to her about not having to provide the expected answer he wanted. She took a deep breath before answering. “I love Buck, but sometimes… I just don’t think I can tell him the hard stuff. I’m the older sister, it's my job to protect him, it shouldn’t be the other way around. He’s also not the best listener. Again, I love him so much, but sometimes, I just want...” she trailed off.

He gave her an understanding nod. “You want to be able to speak freely, without a solution, to know that you can say whatever you need to say, and not worry about him jumping in to fix everything and save the day. You want to just talk and not worry about what he’ll think of you.”

Maddie thought that if she hadn’t just sobbed on his chest, she would have hugged him right then and there. “Yes,” she said, smiling, and feeling herself truly relax for the first time all night. “I know what he’ll do, the minute I say that there is a problem. He’ll just come up with all these solutions for me. And it's not that I mind them, but sometimes, I just want to be the one to solve them myself,” In a quieter voice she added, “The way I was never able to before.” Trying not to dwell on that last statement too much, she went back to his original question. “The apartment is great, so close to work, and spacious.” She wondered if she should keep going, but if there was one thing she had learned about Chimney in the last few hours, it was that he was an amazing listener, so she went on. “But it still feels weird. Sleep has been so hard to come by. I’m waking up at all hours of the night, and I sleep with a baseball bat by my pillow. I just can’t stop looking over my shoulder.” She was slightly shocked by all her admissions tonight. She was usually so reserved. But she couldn’t remember the last time someone had just listened to her without interrupting or giving their opinion. Something about him was just so comforting and safe.

He paused, giving her a contemplative look. “You know that this is all normal, right? Maddie, you have just been through something impossibly difficult. I’d honestly be more surprised if you had said that you were doing just fine. You’re still healing, and that doesn’t happen overnight. This process is most likely going to take a really long time. Again, I don’t think I can fix anything, but for the moment is there anything I can do to help? I know I’m no Buck, but....” That last part was followed by a slightly self-deprecating laugh.

She shook her head. “No, you’re so much better than Buck. All night, I have been an absolute mess. I’ve slept through a movie, probably permanently ruined your shirt with tear stains, had a panic attack, and told you things I haven’t shared with anyone in all the months I’ve been here. But throughout all that, you’ve never pulled away, asked me to stop, questioned my sanity, judged, or doubted me. You’ve just let me feel, and that is something I haven’t been able to do in a very long time. So thank you so much.”

He gave a slight smile. “You know, I once heard that there is a big difference between feeling something, and actually saying it out loud, because saying it out loud makes it real. I think that can be applied to today. It was my pleasure, seriously, anytime. In fact, let me give you my number, text me whenever.” As he input his contact info into her phone, he added, “And as for the shirt, I promise, it really is fine. Tears are the least disgusting thing I’ve been covered in all day.”

Her mouth dropped open at that last part. “Really? Do tell.”

He smiled. “I’ll give you 3 words, cockroach eating contest.”

She could actually feel her jaw drop. “No way! I take it they didn’t stay down?”

“Nope, they all came right back up. So see, tears are a piece of cake after that.”

“Well,” she said, laughing a little, “now I feel so much better. I’m also so glad Buck is so terrible at laundry, so I had a shirt to lend to you.”

He beamed at her. “See, you feeling better is all I care about. And as for Buck, the one time he tried to do his own laundry at the station, he turned his shirts pink. I still have the pictures.”

She smiled. “You are amazing. I hope you know that.”

His mouth quirked up a little. “Not really, but I’m glad you think so.”

She shrugged, “Well, you are to me.”

He didn’t respond to that. By that point they had reached her front door. “Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I needed this.”

“Again, no problem at all,” he said, lightly touching her shoulder. “Hope you have a good night Maddie. And if you need anything, anything at all, I’m just a text away.”

She nodded and watched as he disappeared into the night. She slept like a rock that night, and, when she woke, she was pleasantly surprised to find a text from him. Turns out, his name was Howie. It read, “Hey, it’s Chimney. Hope you slept well. We have a day off this Saturday. Would you be interested in grabbing an early morning cup of coffee with me? I promise no sushi or cockroach stories, just some company.”

Her face lit up as she responded, “I would love that.” For the first time in a long time, Maddie felt like she might actually be okay.


	4. Chim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone.  
> I am so incredibly sorry for such a long wait. Life has been busy. Hope this makes up for it a little. Not sure when the next one will come out, but very happy reading all the same.

Chim could feel his heart pounding as he knocked on Maddie’s front door. He really had no idea what he had been thinking sending that text. He was never the kind of person who was particularly bold. Even on calls, he’d act instinctively, but would usually follow hen’s lead. But there was something about her.

She was fragile, anxious, terrified. He recognized her reactions from calls he’d been on. He had been with people on the most difficult days of their lives. Some of them had definitely been victims of domestic abuse. He had worked at the job for long enough now to definitely begin to notice the signs. He knew that look. The second she had crumpled, he instantly knew, that whatever her husband had done to her had been more traumatic than he could have ever expected.

He really had no idea why he was so freaked out. It was coffee, just coffee with a, what was she? Friend seemed a bit of a stretch, but she had cried into his chest, so, acquaintance didn’t quite fit either. There was also the matter that she was Buck’s sister. He could feel his stomach beginning to clench and he swallowed hard. Throwing up from anxiety on their first public outing together was not the way to impress her. But, did he want to impress her? He was just about to reach for the knob when the door swung open and there she was.

He internally winced. How could he have forgotten about the camera right above the door? He had put it up himself for crying out loud. How long had she been watching him just stand there? What must she have been thinking? He pushed his hands in his pockets, shifting awkwardly. Right, say something.

“Ah, hi, sorry, I was.” He trailed off, no idea how to continue with that. 

“No, it’s okay, I just saw you, I didn’t keep you waiting, did I?”

“No, not at all. It’s completely fine.” 

“Great, okay, so, ready when you are.”

“Sure thing, so it’s a little far, I don’t mind driving, but it’s definitely doable on foot, the choice is all yours.” As he spoke, he briefly looked at her outfit. She was wearing long pants and a long-sleeved top, dark colors, not really normal for a typical early October day in LA.” Actually, if we walk, it’s pretty warm out, you’ll probably be really hot in that.” Instantly, her face tensed up, expression growing wary.

“No, I’m fine. I’m always cold.” Her face quickly morphed into a smile. “Besides, she said with a small laugh. Those places keep the air conditioning set to like 60 degrees at all times, so.”

He gave an understanding nod. “Fare point, I also should have probably brought a sweater.” His mind was racing. The panic attack, the double and triple checking while making the popcorn, the long sleeves, it was all adding up to something that just didn’t feel right to him. He made a mental note to try and get her to talk about it later. 

“Actually, do you mind if we drive? I’ve been looking for new places to go, and there really isn’t a lot around that you can get to on foot. Not like in Hershey.”

“Yeah, of course. It must feel strange? Just going from such a walkable area to this?”

“A little, but I like it. It’s so different, I think I needed it, you know? A fresh start.”

“That’s never a bad thing.” As they spoke, they headed down to his car. He pressed the key and the doors unlocked. They climbed in and he was just buckling up when he looked over at her. Her mouth was hanging open.

“What is it, he asked a little apprehensively, looking around for a stray receipt or gum wrapper.

“Your car!!!”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“It’s so so clean.” She looked up at him. “Oh, my goodness, Chim, I’m so sorry, that came out so wrong. It’s just, the contrast with you and Buck.” Her shoulders shook as she began to laugh. “His car, it, there’s just so much stuff, and, seeing yours, it’s just so neat and tidy.” 

He felt his posture relax as he also began to laugh. “Oh, thank goodness, I thought there was something wrong, like, maybe, there was something missing or out of place?”

“No, no, that’s the thing, there’s nothing out of place. Everything’s just s s so organized. Buck, just, he’s a mess, and… just having to live with that. I can’t” Tears were streaming down her face. “ahh, sorry, I’m a mess, it’s just, I really needed this, like, I seriously haven’t laughed this hard since I got here.” 

He couldn’t help smiling at her as their laughter died down. “Of course, I’m so glad my type A organizational tendencies are so amusing.” He pressed start and slowly began to back up. 

“Wow, you must think I’m crazy.”

“Not at all, sometimes, laughter is exactly what you need.”

“It’s just, Buck, you have no idea how messy he can be.”

“Ah, but I do. I’ve worked with him for going on a year now, and we work 24-hour shifts together.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Wow, how do you cope?”

“He laughed. “Not very well. I stay as far away from his locker as possible.”

“Yeah, sounds like a smart idea. Living with him in her apartment, there was just, stuff, everywhere!!!!”

“You should see him right at the end of a shift.”

“I can imagine, let me guess, gear everywhere, in piles, nothing folded and paired off?”

“Exactly, we get on him about it all the time.”

“Yeah, so do I, but it never sticks, just in 1 ear and out the other. How on earth are you so neat?”

“Well, that’s more of a cultural thing. Growing up, I just always had to be. My dad, he was, really picky about that stuff.” He swallowed hard, that brought up memories he’d rather not think about. “But it’s fine now, since that made me great at the job. Buck is amazing as a firefighter, but by the end of a shift, it takes him so long to head out, cause there’s just so much for him to have to find.”

“Yeah, I thought Abby would have made him a little better, but I guess not. Maybe if they had moved in together. Did you like her?”

“Well, I really only met her once, at this party. She seemed okay, but, not amazing. Sorry, that sounds kind of mean, but I just feel kind of bad for Buck.”

“Exactly!!!!! The minute I found out she had left him, I wanted to kill her.”

“I feel that, he still seems to, well, I don’t think he’s over her.” He could feel himself blushing slightly. “Sorry, I don’t mean to intrude, it’s not my place to judge what he’s doing with his life or how he’s feeling.” 

She eyed him thoughtfully. “You know, I don’t mind at all. Like, honestly, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, so, thanks for being able to listen, especially to something as boring as my brother’s dating life.”

“No problem, hey, it’s definitely more interesting than mine.” He internally cringed, and wondered how to filled the ensuing silence. Thankfully, they had just pulled in to the parking lot. “Ah, right, well, here we are. Hope your thirsty.”

“Definitely, she said as they climbed out and headed toward the door. He held it open, and just as they were about to enter, she turned to him. “Oh, and I know I was quiet earlier, but you best believe we are not done talking about your dating history.”

All he could do was gape as he headed in after her. She was bold, funny, very different from the Maddie of a few nights ago. But he liked it. She seemed so much more comfortable with him, and that couldn’t be a bad thing, could it? The shop was quiet for a Saturday morning and they were first in line, he turned to her once they were up. “After you.”

She smiled. “Thanks.” She turned to the cashier. “Hi, can I just have a large black coffee, iced, whole milk?” 

She nodded. “Sure thing, and for you?”

He turned to Maddie. “Okay, promise me something.”

“Okay, what.”

“That you will do your best to not laugh once you hear my coffee order.”

“Of course not, I mean, it’s just coffee, how bad can it be?”

Instead of answering he turned back to the cashier. “Hi, can I have a large iced synonym coconut macchiato, whole milk, with a quad shot and one pump of vanilla.” 

Maddie’s shoulders shook as she doubled over. “Hay, you promised.”

“Yes, but, what, Chim!!! I’m sorry, that sounds absolutely disgusting.”

“You doubt now, but it’s delicious. I’m making you taste some when it comes out. Oh, he added, we’ll be paying together.”

“Wait, no, Chim, I can’t let you do that.”

“Maddie, it’s no big deal, It’s my pleasure.”

“No, you can’t drive me and pay for my drink.”

“I dragged you out on a Saturday morning, it’s the least I can do.”

“I’m not going to win this, am I?”

“Nope, but if we do this again, you can drive and pay.”

“She smiled, fine, but you better believe I’m holding you to that. I’m just going to go over there and wait for our drinks to come out.”

“Sure, be there in a second.”

As she headed off, he held out his card to the cashier. “You can chip it, thanks.”

She nodded and eyed him. “You 2 make a really cute couple.”

“What, no, it’s not like that at all. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, sure you are. Look, I’ve been doing this for a really long time, I know chemistry when I see it, and you 2, definitely have it. Enjoy your drinks.”

All he could do was nod as he headed over to the opposite counter. Hey, we’re all…” He stopped mid-sentence, as he saw the scene in front of him. The barista was gazing down at Maddie with the rudest look on her face. He approached just in time to hear her say.

“Um, Hello, are you even listening to me? Didn’t you hear me the first time? Was that one pump of vanilla or 2? You know, if you’re going to order something this complicated, the least you could do is pay attention to me while I’m making it, so I don’t mess it up. Then that’ll give you something else to complain about.” 

Her tone was the one he knew all to well, the one that came with being the annoying person with the complicated coffee order. Maddie looked terrified, she was standing there, rigid, tense, frozen, fearful look on her face. He came up behind her and eyed the barista.

“You know, for someone whose job title is literally customer service, you are doing a terrible job. Seriously, what right do you have to speak to her that way? No right at all. Also, if you had been paying attention, you’d have realized that the order that’s hers is the one’s she’s holding. Black coffee, whole milk, about as simple as you can get. Oh, and it’s 1 pump.”

Not looking to see if she would respond, he lightly touched Maddie’s shoulder, and, when she didn’t pull back, he slowly guided her a few steps away to the counter where the extras were kept. Gently taking the cup from her still trembling fingers, he set it on the counter. Placing the other hand on her opposite shoulder, he quietly began to speak. 

“Hey, mads, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, you seem really anxious right now, do you think you can take a deep breath?” He felt Maddie’s shoulder’s slowly rise and fall. “See, that’s it, you’ve got this. Slow and steady, you are just fine.” 

After a few seconds, she slowly lifted her gaze to meet his. “Oh, Chim, I am so sorry. I just froze, I can’t even get coffee without losing it.”

“Hey, Maddie, no apology necessary. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“She was just so confrontational. I hate confrontation. It just takes me back to him.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Yeah, she was awful. It’s all my fault, next time, you are definitely paying.”

“I told you so.”

“My apologies for not listening in the first place. Next one is definitely on you. Also, after what I said to her, I don’t know if I should taste that drink.”

That got a giggle, a small one, but it was there. “Yeah, that’s why I order mine black.”

“You seriously have no idea what your missing out on.” 

“Yeah, no, thanks for standing up to her.”

“No problem, believe me, not my first time dealing with people like her.”

“Yeah, I can imagine, that is so complicated.” As she spoke, she picked up a sugar packet, ripped it open, and stirred it in.

He glanced up just in time to see the barista holding up a cup. He jogged over, grabbed it, and headed back. He stirred, and Popped in a straw. He held it up to Maddie. “One sip, please?”

“Fine, just 1.” She slowly picked up the cup, and sipped. Her face scrunched up in disgust. “Ewwwwwwww, that, is, disgusting!!!!!!! No, like, it’s just so sweet, that’s not coffee, that’s syrup and sugar with a drop of caffeine. Okay, now, you try mine.”

He shrugged. “If you insist.” He picked it up, sipped, and grimaced. “No way, yuck, it’s so bitter, there’s no flavor at all, it’s so bland.”

She smiled. “We shall just agree to disagree then.”

“Yes, truce.” He motioned to a table by the window and they headed over and sat. She eyed him contemplatively. 

“How do you do it? Like, don’t you ever just worry that there going to mess up your order?”

“Well, it’s not hard, you just go up and…” He trailed off. Her face had gone from thoughtful to serious. “Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, I mean, what I do every day, having to be so exact. A messed-up coffee order, well, really isn’t that important.”

“I don’t think I could do that. My husband, Doug, he was all about perfection. Just, everything I did had to be exact. On the mark. There was no room for error. If I missed, messed up even a little, it would, the consequences were, just, so awful.”

He could see how tense she was becoming and slowly grabbed her hand. “Oh, Maddie, I’m so sorry, is this okay? I didn’t mean to over step.”

“No, it’s fine, grounding, thank you.”

“Of course, whatever you need, I just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I don’t, not at all actually, which is strange, cause, I thought it would be awkward, but, it’s not. Chim, your, just, really calming. I don’t know if you know that. It’s meant a lot, just having you here, like, I have Buck, but, like I said, it’s not the same. With Doug, I just never felt like I could be comfortable, laugh, even order coffee. Well, I couldn’t do that today, but.”

“Maddie, of course, I’m happy too. Just, whatever you need, I’m always here. As for the coffee, you ordered just fine, I just complicated it cause of mine.”

“Yeah, you did. But, with Doug, he would scrutinize everything, so, I just felt like, just, as if I couldn’t ever get anything complex. If I got something, and it was complicated, I would just keep thinking that it wasn’t perfect. So, I just thought.”

She paused, and he didn’t push her at all. He knew if he pushed, she’d just shut down, sure enough, she continued.

“If I could just be as in control as possible, then, he would have nothing to criticize. That probably sounds so weird.”

“No, I don’t think it’s weird at all. Maddie, you were in a situation where everything you did was held to such a high standard. The only way you could make sure you could hold yourself accountable was to have maximum control. In this particular instance, that meant ordering something plain, so then, you could modify it as much as you needed to, and not be placed under that scrutiny. I personally think it makes a lot of sense.”

She smiled at him, gaze open and trusting. “Thanks, it’s nice to be able to talk to someone and actually have your feelings validated for a change. I never got that before, it means a lot.”

“Of course, sometimes, you just need someone to listen. I’ll always be here to do that for you.”

“I appreciate it. Now, you said earlier that your job depends on exact everything, what did you mean? Actually, you don’t need to answer that, it’s fine.”

His face tensed up in shock. What kind of husband must she have had where she wasn’t even able to ask a simple question without fear of being reprimanded? “No, it’s fine, I’ll definitely answer that.” He trailed off, thinking before he spoke. “I love being a paramedic. It’s great, exciting, there’s never a dull moment. But it’s also just exhausting. So much of what I do on a daily bases is just overthink. I overthink absolutely everything. If I make the tiniest mistake, angle the IV needle to far up. Give to much of a medication. Treat for the wrong thing. Then, that patient dies. I love being able to save lives, but I hate the anxiety of constantly having to make life and death decisions. I just keep thinking, what if I hadn’t done this, or done this first, would they still be alive?”

He could feel his shoulders slump as he waited for her response. He wasn’t like this normally. He would usually down play it, laugh it off, make a joke, not talk about it. But with Maddie, it was different. She, just by being so raw and vulnerable, had allowed him to do something that he could never really do with anyone, not even Hen, open up. 

“Oh, Chim, I’m so sorry. I understand, not entirely, but I do. I used to be a nurse, for years, after I got married, and I would have to be with patients. I would see them on some of the most difficult days of their lives, and there were definitely mistakes that were made. I just hated having to make those decisions.”

“Do you miss it? Nursing? Or do you like dispatch better?”

She looked off thoughtfully before responding. “You know, I don’t really no, it’s such a hard thing. Like, I love nursing, being in that situation, helping people, working on the front lines. But dispatch is so interesting. I’m able to help people without actually being there. But? It’s weird.”

He gave an understanding nod. He had learned at this point, that, with Maddie, pushing and forcing conversation would make her shut down even more.

“I miss not knowing how it ends. I’m able to be there for them right when the emergency is starting, but, once help arrives.” She trailed off.

“People just hang up.”

“Is it terrible that I hate that they do that? I mean, I understand, but sometimes.”

“You just want that closure with them. I understand that. I love being a paramedic, but if I do my job right, and then if the people at the hospital mess up, then, that person is gone, even though I did everything correctly.” 

“Exactly, you really do get it. Not that I thought that you wouldn’t, but, my brother lives in the moment of the rescue, he does his job, saves the day, I don’t think he thinks about what happens after. My husband was, is, a heart surgeon. His job is to fix people’s mistakes. I can’t explain that feeling of being stuck to them. I can try, but they’ll never really get it. Thank you.”

“Oh, Maddie, it’s no problem. I’m glad you opened up about it. Have you thought about doing a ride along?”

“Actually, I already did, with Athena. I thought medical would be to much. She’s amazing. It made for a very interesting morning.” She paused, slight smile on her face. When she gazed at him, he could see that she was trying not to laugh. “You know Actually? That’s where I think I met you. You were helping that guy at the grave yard, and, right after I got out of the car, you said, and I quote. Actual diarrhea of the mouth, outstanding!!!” 

He blushed. “Sorry, definitely not my best first impression. I was just trying to defuse the tension, lighten things up you know?”

“It definitely got me to smile. Also, he totally had it coming. He was terrible. I really admire how you and Athena don’t let people like that get to you.”

“Oh, we do, but we learn to keep it in. We rage later.”

“Those are amazing work ethics. It must be nice to have people to hang out with all the time.”

“It is, but, it’s not always like that.” 

Her face immediately changed from open to surprised. “Really, but you all seem so close.”

“We are, but, most of them have a lot going on. Buck and Eddie hang out, all the time.”

“Yeah, I noticed, they really do seem to have a love hate thing going on.”

“Yeah, they do, you should have seen when he first got to the station, so much tension. But anyway, Buck helps him out a lot with his son, Christopher, he’s the cutest kid ever. Bobby’s got Athena, May, Harry, so he’s out as soon as shift ends. Hen, my partner, she’s great, confident, bold. She’s also married with a kid, so…” He gave a self-deprecating shrug. “And then there’s me.”

“You are really amazing, even if you don’t recognize it.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. Maddie, the 2 times I’ve been alone with you, you’ve panicked.” 

“Okay, the first time was due to the week I had. The second time was because of that barista. But you were there, every, single, time. You didn’t push me, question me, force me to talk. You helped me calm down, never judged, and just made yourself available. I don’t think you understand how much I needed that.” 

“I don’t mind. It was really nice to help. I’m not usually that great at it.”

“No, you really are. It means a lot.”

“Of course, don’t mention it.”

“But yeah, having company is nice. My coworkers are great, but we don’t talk that much. I’m either with Buck, or eating takeout alone in my apartment. So, it’s nice to actually get out.”

“Glad I could help with that.” 

“It really does mean a lot. So, friends?”

She held out her almost empty cup towards him. He gave a warm smile and mimicked her position. “Friends.” They tapped and sipped. 

He liked silence with her. It was comfortable. He never needed to fill it. But he still found himself asking. “So how is the place.” He did it, both out of curiosity and because, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he did really care about her. 

“It’s okay, I think the more I’m there, the more comfortable I’ll become.” She eyed him with a coy smile. “But enough about me and my lonely existence. So, now, about your dating life.”

The blush returned. “Ah, well, not much to tell.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Well, she was, just, we didn’t really fit together. I never really felt connected with her. And that’s all your getting out of me for now.”

“Wow, you are literally the definition of illusive.”

He shrugged. “Yep, also, I’m pretty much done, you?”

She nodded. “Yeah, although how you’re not bouncing off the walls with all that sugar and caffeine, I will never understand.”

He laughed as they tossed their cups and started towards the door. As he held it open, he smiled at her. “You know, I think that I just have it so much now that I’m immune at this point, it definitely helps during long shifts though.”

“I can imagine. You must get teased about it all the time.”

“Oh yes, your brother does the worst of it.”

“Yeah, sounds like him. I’d rather have a caffeine addict than a messy person though.” As she spoke, they climbed back into his car. She gazed around in awe. “It’s just so clean. Like? I love it so much.”

He focused on backing up instead of looking at her. She said love, it was aimed at his car, but she did say it. He half laughed. “Well, I’d try to give him tips, but I think you an I both know they wouldn’t go over very well.” She nodded and the next few minutes were spent in silence. He was slightly surprised when she spoke first, and it was just one word.

“Chimney?”

At that point, they were stopped at a light, so he could fully look at her. Her expression was open, thoughtful, maybe even a little unsure. “Yeah, Maddie? What’s up?”

“Do you think? Could we maybe? This was really great. I needed it more than I thought I would. Would you mind if we do it again? You’re probably busy though, so it’s fine if you can’t.”

He realized that how he handled this could make or break whatever they had going on at this point. If he hesitated, she’d back down. His answer was instantaneous. “Maddie, I would love that.” He paused. “Also, if there’s anything you’ve hopefully learned about me over the past few hours it’s that aside from work, my life is usually pretty empty.”

She giggled. Fare enough. But next time, I’m driving and paying.”

“Deal. Also, I don’t know if this would interest you, but. Bobby, our captain, loves to cook. Every Friday at the end of shift, he makes a huge meal, family dinner, and we all eat together. Would you maybe want to come?” He winced, did that sound like a date? She offered to pay next time, so she did consider them friends. Yes, that was it, they were just friends. But he couldn’t help wanting more. 

“That actually sounds really nice. I would love too. Buck’s offered before, but I didn’t really no anyone.”

By that point, they were parked, as they got out and headed towards her front door, he grinned. “Well, now, you’ve got me.” He cringed, how needy could he possibly sound?

Her smile was just as warm though, he loved it, could watch it for hours. “Thank you, I mean that, you are really awesome Chimney.”

As she reached for the door to head in, he lightly touched her shoulder. “Anytime Maddie, anytime at all.”


End file.
